With so much focus on “well-being” and “quiet quitting,” there’s a lot of emphasis on setting boundaries. Who is creating them and are they working?
Often, people make the mistake that boundaries are selfish. Having personal boundaries is not selfish. Quite basically, the importance of boundaries is to protect yourself from harm.
There are several different types of boundaries you can have.
One is more of a protective style, coming from a place of fear. For example, “I won’t loan Johnny any more money because he never pays me back.”
The other type is from a place of power. For example, “I will only loan money to people who paid me back per the terms of our agreement and provided I want to loan the money.”
Those are basic examples where one is about someone else and one is about you.
The first step towards boundaries is to set them. These should be your guidelines that are aligned with your beliefs and goals. You might start with one or two and add on over time. I recommend writing them down as a way of recognizing them.
The second step is to commit to them and not back down when a situation arises. That means you don’t give in when Johnny comes to you with tears in his eyes, wanting to borrow money (even though he has never paid you back in the past). Or someone wants you to do them a favor even though it’s your time off. Or you’re working through your lunch (again!) even though you promised yourself you would use that time for a walk to clear your head. Or team members/clients are texting you over the weekend when you want to spend quiet time with your family.
Whatever the situation is, if you have a reasonable boundary, it’s important to honor it.
Successfully maintaining your boundaries requires working on your self-confidence to remind yourself that you are worthy of having them. Every time you let someone trample on your boundary, it lowers your self-esteem and decreases your self-respect.
Having boundaries is not selfish.
This is an important action to take and often needs guidance. Often, insecurity and fears pop up when first creating boundaries.
When you’re ready for those big transformations, reach out. My favorite methods for faster results are mindset techniques (tapping, neuroscience, and other resources I’m an expert in) and the appropriate strategies.
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Photo by Diana Serbichenko on Unsplash